Snape Fanfic
Fic title: We Are Spiraling on the Breeze

Author: Glitterfics

Artist: Lazydazyfics

Summary: What would happen if Bobby hadn't been in the kitchen with Logan when Xavier's school was attacked? What if he'd been hanging out with John instead?

That one small shift meant that John and Bobby were captured by Stryker's men along with the small group of other students. From there everything in John's life changed as he discovered just what he was capable of and he found himself becoming the type of person that he'd never have believed he could be.

Rating of fanwork: NC-17


Artist Notes: Thank you Glitterfics for such a fantastic story! :D As the title of the fic comes from the song 'Burn baby, burn' by Ash I've used the lyrics from the song on the John/Bobby piece as it sums up John's state of mind well. For the group piece I've used screenshots from X2 for all the characters. The cuckoos aren't in X2 and although they do appear in the background of X-Men 3: The Last Stand they have their backs to the camera so I've used a screencap of the little blonde girl from the museum to substitute for Irma because she was just so perfect for her! :)

Smallfandombang: Fic: The Muppets Take Las Vegas Pt3
Snape Fanfic
Smallfandombang: Fic: The Muppets Take Las Vegas Pt3

Kermit felt like his heart was in his mouth. He’d rather have had more shots from the taser than wait to see what sort of state the car was in.

“I hope the car’s not trashed,” said Fozzy as if reading Kermit’s mind.

“Me too, Fozzy, me too,” Kermit replied.

The attendant then turned up in the car and Kermit was able to breathe a sigh of relief. It wasn’t in pristine condition, but it was still running and, on looking around the car, it was hopefully just dirty rather than scratched and it definitely wasn’t bashed in. He hoped that they’d be able to wash it and return it without too much of an issue.

“It’s okay Fozzy, we’ve not destroyed the car!” Kermit said with relief.

“Let’s see if there’s anything in it that can help us find Scooter,” Gonzo said as he opened the passenger door.

“Got anything?” asked Kermit.

Gonzo held up an egg. “Erm, someone laid an egg?”

“Weird,” replied Kermit.

Fozzy had got in the back and was checking there. “Nothing here that could tell us anything,” he said.

“Okay, let’s go back to the hotel and see what we can do,” Kermit said at a loss as to where they could go from there.

They set off back to the hotel in silence. Kermit had really hoped that they would have found something to help them out when they got the car back and was really disappointed to not have had a big blazing clue about where Scooter was. He was so lost in thought that he nearly had a heart attack when there was a loud banging from the back of the car.

“Fozzy! What are you doing? I nearly crashed the car then!” Kermit yelled.

“It’s not me,” Fozzy replied.

Kermit exchanged a look with Gonzo then slammed on the brakes pulling the car off the side of the road.

“Oh my god!” he exclaimed.

“Scooter’s in the boot!” shouted Gonzo as they both leapt out of the car and round to the back to set him free.

Kermit fumbled with the lock in his rush to get the boot open. After a couple of seconds he managed to get it open and as he threw the boot up he was pushed to the floor by someone that was definitely not Scooter.

“Ouch! Get off!” he cried.

“Nobody locks Pepe up and gets away with it!” yelled Kermit’s assailant.

“Get him off me! Get him off me!” pleaded Kermit.

Gonzo grabbed Pepe and pulled him, kicking and screaming, away from Kermit. As soon as he let him go Pepe glared at them and then, with a toss of his head, turned and ran off.

“What the hell was that all about?!” said Kermit as he picked himself up and brushed himself off, checking that he was still all there.

“I have no idea,” replied Gonzo.

“He was mean,” said Fozzy staring in the direction Pepe had gone, “ummm, guys?”

“Yes, Fozzy?” Kermit replied.

“I was trying out a new trick when we went up on the roof last night,” Fozzy told them.

“I don’t remember you doing a trick,” said Gonzo.

“Me either,” replied Kermit.

“Yes, well, I think it worked because I think that’s why we can’t remember anything from last night.”

“What do you mean?” asked Kermit.

“I, umm, I put pills in the drink,” Fozzy confessed.

There was a moments silence as what he said sunk in.

“You drugged us?” Gonzo almost shrieked.

“It was supposed to give us an edge to the night. A buzz. I was told it was ecstasy,” Fozzy told them. “I thought it would be fun.”

“You have no idea how irresponsible that is!” Gonzo shouted at him.

Kermit laid a hand on Gonzo’s shoulder. “It’s done, shouting about it isn’t going to change that. Let’s just concentrate on finding Scooter.”

Gonzo turned away from Fozzy, taking deep breaths as he visibly tried to calm down.

“Come on, in the car, we’re not going to find Scooter on the side of the road,” Kermit said as he shut the boot and got in the car.

“Wait! What about the tiger?” Gonzo said.

“Ah pants! I’d forgotten about the tiger!” said Kermit.

“Maybe he got out?” said Fozzy.

“And is terrorising the hotel? Yeah, that’d make our life easier,” said Gonzo sarcastically.

“How did he end up in our bathroom anyway?” Kermit asked.

“I don’t know, because I don’t remember do I, Fozzy,” said Gonzo pointedly.

Kermit sighed as he tuned out the bickering. It wasn’t going to do them any good, but he didn’t think they’d listen to him if he tried to tell them to stop. Plus, he was kind of annoyed at Fozzy himself and was really trying not to join in berating him.

He pulled the car up in front of the hotel and passed the keys to the attendant. Fozzy and Gonzo had stopped bickering and they all headed up to their suite in silence. As they approached the door they could hear music coming from inside.

“I don’t remember having the radio on earlier,” Kermit said.

“No, I don’t think we did,” said Gonzo, confused.

“That’s definitely coming from our suite, though,” said Fozzy.

Kermit tentatively opened the door and peered round into the living area.

“Mike Tyson?” he said, shocked, as the others followed him into the room.

“Shh, this is the best part!” Tyson said.

They all stood staring at him in shock as he burst into song, joining in with the chorus of ‘In The Air Tonight’.

They all started smiling and nodding along to the music as he sang and slowly walked towards them. Kermit was nearest to him and immediately regretted this as Tyson stopped singing when he reached him and dealt him a right hook that had Kermit falling to the floor for the third time that day.

“Woah!” exclaimed Fozzy.

“Why did you do that?” asked Gonzo in shock.

“Mr Tyson would like to know why his tiger is in your bathroom,” said one of the two body guards that were also in the room.

“Oh, Sir, Mr Tyson,” said Kermit, slightly muffled as he held his face, “we are so sorry that we have your tiger. The thing is, we have no idea why or even how this all came about.”

“Yes, you see, we were drugged last night and have no memory of the evening at all!” Gonzo put in.

“It’s true,” said Fozzy earnestly.

“We can’t find our friend and he’s getting married tomorrow and we stole a cop car and I got married and it’s all just too much!” Kermit said as he sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands. “Do what you have to do, I have nothing left to give.”

“Hang on a minute,” said Gonzo, “how did you get in? And how did you know to come here?”

“One of you dropped your jacket in the tigers’ cage. It has your wallet and room key in it,” Tyson told them as he handed the jacket to Gonzo.

“Scooter’s jacket!” Gonzo exclaimed.

“So he was with us when we were, umm, borrowing the tiger,” said Kermit.

“Which you will return to me now,” said Tyson pointedly.

“Oh, of course!” said Gonzo, “he’s just in the bathroom, you can, of course, take him with you with our sincere apologies!”

“That’s not how this works,” said one of the bodyguards.

“You will return the tiger,” said the other one.

Kermit started to protest but then saw the look on Tyson’s face.

“I, ummm, of course we will, Sir, Mr Tyson,” he said. “I know we’re not really in a position to be asking a favour of you, but when we come with the tiger could we possibly have a look for clues as to where Scooter may be? Only we can’t find him and we can’t remember what happened last night.”

“I don’t see why not,” replied Tyson. “I have CCTV, we can watch it to see what you all got up to.”

“Thanks!” said Gonzo. “That’s very nice of you.”

“I’m a nice person,” Tyson replied as he left the suite with his bodyguards following close behind him. “You have forty minutes.”

The door closed and they all breathed a collective sigh of relief. That relief didn’t last long, however, as they realised that now they had to work out how to get the tiger back to Tyson’s home in the next forty minutes.

“Fozzy, you have any of those pills left?” Kermit asked as a plan started to form in his mind.

“Look, Kermit, I know I messed up by giving those to you last night but now is really not the time to repeat the mistake!” said Fozzy.

“They’re not for us!” Kermit told him, “They’re for the tiger!”

“Oh, okay, yes, here you are,” Fozzy said as he handed the packet over.

“What are you thinking, Kermit?” asked Gonzo.

“Roofie the tiger, of course!” Kermit picked up the phone on the side table. “Hello, room service? Can you send up a raw steak please?”

Once his order arrived Kermit set about cutting into the steak and putting the last of the pills in it so that they could knock the tiger out in order to take him back to his home.

“Who’s going to feed it to the tiger?” Gonzo asked.

“I think Fozzy should as his punishment for a trick gone wrong and then we’ll call it quits and not bring it up again,” Kermit said diplomatically. “Agreed?”

“Agreed,” nodded Fozzy.


Gonzo scuffed his feet a bit then looked up and reluctantly said, “Agreed.”

“That’s settled then. Here you are, Fozzy.” Kermit handed the meat to him and motioned him towards the bathroom.

Fozzy gulped, a look of fear crossing his face before it turned into determination. He headed to the bathroom and cautiously opened the door.

“Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!” he said. “Nice kitty want some nommy foods?”

He then threw the meat at the tiger with a little squeak and slammed the door on the bathroom legging it to the other side of the room to get away from it.

“How are we going to know if it worked?” asked Gonzo.

Kermit sighed. “Leave it a few minutes and then I’ll go and look.”

He wasn’t too happy about volunteering himself for this job, but he knew they had to do it and he didn’t want to force Fozzy to do it after he’d had to throw the meat in. He just didn’t think it would be fair. He could ask Gonzo to do it, but he didn’t have the energy to argue the toss with him.

After a few minutes had passed Kermit got up and went and listened at the bathroom door. He couldn’t hear anything so he carefully opened the door and peered round it. The tiger was asleep in the middle of the room and the meat was nowhere to be seen. He was happy to assume that this was because it had eaten it.

“Come on guys, let’s get going,” he called out to the others.

“How’re we going to get it to the car?” Gonzo asked.

“Wrap him in a sheet and use the trolley the food came on?” Kermit suggested.

Gonzo nodded and sent Fozzy off to get a sheet. Once he was back they laid it over the tiger and lifted it up onto the trolley. It was no mean feat. It took all three of them to pick the tiger up and every time they tried to lift at the same time one or other of them would lose their hold and drop the tiger. Eventually they managed to lift it onto the trolley and make their way down to the car.

They had to cover up the occasional paw or tail as it slipped out from under the sheet whilst mid transportation, but if anyone actually noticed no-one said anything to them or stopped them in their tracks. They were happy to get it into the car and on their way without any major issues.

Once at Tyson’s house they parked the car up at the front and left the tiger with the bodyguards that had been with Tyson in their hotel room whilst they went inside and Tyson showed them the footage from the security camera’s.

“This is great! This means Scooter was with us at half three in the morning!” said Kermit.

“And he was with us when we left with the tiger, which means he would have come back to the hotel with us!” Gonzo replied excitedly.

“So if he came back to the hotel with us, how come he wasn’t in the room when we all woke up?” asked Fozzy.

Kermit’s face was a picture. He actually thought that if he was a cartoon character he would have had a lightbulb go on above his head.

“I think I know what happened to him! Come on!” he said as he raced out of the house and back to the car.

Luckily the bodyguards had sorted the tiger out and they were able to jump in and drive off without having to wait as Kermit was extremely excited now that he thought he knew what had happened and with this excitement came a level of impatience that wouldn’t have appreciated having to wait.

“Kermit! Tell us what you think’s happened!” Gonzo demanded.

“You know how when we were kids and had sleep overs we always played a prank on the one that fell asleep first?” said Kermit.

“Yes,” Gonzo replied.

“Well, I think maybe that’s what we’ve done this time. It’s possible that Scooter passed out first and we played a prank on him,” he looked at Gonzo excitedly. “The mattress they were recovering this morning? That could have been thrown off the rooftop!”

Gonzo gasped, “You think we moved him to the roof as a joke and he got trapped up there?”

“That’s what I’m thinking!” replied Kermit.

They got back to the hotel and raced up the top. The door was closed and they couldn’t hear anyone hammering on it, but it was a boiling hot day so it was possible he was passed out and unable to, if he was there. Kermit opened the door and they all went through, making sure to properly prop it open so that they could get back inside. Scooter was lying on his side in an effort to be in the tiny bit of shade that the roof allowed him from the sun.

“Scooter! Thank god! Are you alright?” Kermit hugged his friend in delight. “Come on, let’s get you to this wedding!”

He helped him up and brushed him down, passing him a bottle of water as he helped him back inside. Chattering away to him about how they couldn’t remember what had happened and all the things they’d found out since trying to work out what had happened to him. Scooter grunted and laughed a little, but just sipped at the water as he tried to recuperate.

Happy to have their friend back they left Vegas with a feeling of relief and gladness, Kermit thankful to watch the city diminish in the rear view mirror.

Smallfandombang: Fic: The Muppets Take Las Vegas Pt2
Snape Fanfic
Smallfandombang: Fic: The Muppets Take Las Vegas Pt2

Gonzo pulled into an apartment block’s car park and they all bundled up the stairs to the apartment after checking at the front desk that they’d got the address right. Deciding not to wait, because even taking a breath would make him wimp out of doing it, Kermit knocked immediately as they arrived at the door.

The door wasn’t closed properly and as Kermit knocked it made the door swing open. The sun was shining through the patio doors opposite, making it impossible for Kermit to see inside, so he didn’t see that anyone was there, only heard a quiet voice saying his name.

“Kermy?” the voice got closer.


The next thing he knew, he was flat on his back on the outer hallway having been tackled and unable to move because the tackler was refusing to get off whilst showering him with kisses. He could hear the other two laughing.

He stuttered for a while, attempting to get the lump off him, but failing miserably. All of a sudden, however, she got off of her own accord.

She fluffed her hair, tossed it over her shoulder and then simpered, “Where are my manners? Come in! Come in!”

They all followed her into the apartment and sat down on the couch. Fozzy took the baby carrier off and removed the baby. As he did so, the baby stretched and hopped off his lap. They all stared, open mouthed.

“Thank god for that!” the baby said.

“Rizzo, there you are!” replied Piggy. “I wondered where you had got to.”

Rizzo climbed onto the table, grabbed a beer that was there, flicked the top open and took a long swig.

“Ahh, that’s better,” he said as he slouched down and took the baby hat off.

“You’re not a baby?” Fozzy asked.

“Nah mate,” he replied. “I’m Rizzo.”

“Rizzo?” Fozzy asked.

“That’s right. Rizzo the Rat. Thanks for the lift. It’s been an interesting morning.”

Fozzy stood up, turned to the left, then to the right. Then he paced to the door, then paced back again. Kermit watched him wondering what he was going to do.

“You’re NOT a baby?” Fozzy said again when he returned to the couch.

“I’m not a baby,” confirmed Rizzo, swigging more beer.

“I can’t believe you’re not a baby! I spent this whole time carrying you around and looking after you and treating you like a baby and you’re not a baby! This whole time you could’ve said something to me and told me and you didn’t and now I look like an… an… an idiot!”

Fozzy sat back down with a thump, put his arms on the coffee table and hid his face as his anger turned to tears.

“There, there,” Rizzo said, getting up and patting him on the head a couple of times. “You made a great pretend Dad.”

“Did I?” Fozzy said, sniffling and looking up at Rizzo.

“Yeah, sure you did,” Rizzo said, turning back to his beer.

He might have seemed dismissive to the others, but it did the trick. Fozzy wiped his eyes as he stopped crying and sat up straighter than before.

“Did you hear that, Gonzo,” he said, “I make a good pretend Dad!”

Rizzo swigged some more beer. “And that trick you did was super cool.”

The sarcasm was lost on Fozzy. He was almost ecstatic that he was getting so much praise and he sat back happily humming to himself as Miss Piggy came back in with a tray of drinks for everyone. She handed them out to everyone and then perched on the arm of the sofa next to Kermit.

“What happened to you, sweetie?” she asked as she trailed a finger up Kermit’s arm. “I went out to get coffee for us all and when I got back you’d all gone!”

“Well, umm, we didn’t know you’d done that,” replied Kermit.

“Well, when you’re researching for a role you have to fully immerse yourself, you know?” trilled Miss Piggy.

Kermit didn’t reply, and the other two were busy staring around the apartment and at their drink. She’d made a mocktail that had turned bright pink and it nicely matched the colours she’d decorated the place in.

“What’s the matter, Kermy?” she asked. “You’re so quiet. Why are you being so quiet?”

“Um, I’m not quiet, I was just wondering what happened last night.”

Miss Piggy got up and flicked her hair.

“You don’t remember?” she asked.

“No. No, I really don’t,” replied Kermit, “and we’ve lost Scooter.”

“Our best man?”

“Yes. Um. About that…”

“Oh he was great. What a lovely end to a long night’s work. It’s hard, you know, being who I am and all the work I have to do to play my part. It was such a great surprise, meeting you at the strip club, clicking so immediately when I gave you a dance, and then becoming a wife!” She looked at the ring on her finger. “Such a fitting ring for a person of my stature too, don’t you think?”

“Um…” Kermit really didn’t know how to respond. He certainly didn’t think that a stripper was fitting for his grandmother’s ring.

“Have you seen Scooter since the wedding?” Gonzo asked.

“No, not since the wedding. I had to go back to the club to get all my stuff together, a person such as myself doesn’t travel light, you know.” Miss Piggy preened a bit as she looked in the mirror that covered nearly all of the wall above the couch. “That was definitely after one in the morning. I got side-tracked when I got back to the club, my fans, you know how it is, they all need a piece of me!”

“Um…” was Kermit’s only response.

Miss Piggy giggled. “Once I was finished there, I had to appease my adoring fans you know, I headed over to the hotel to join you guys again.”

“Was Scooter there? When you got to our hotel?” asked Gonzo, seeing that Kermit was struggling to form words that would actually leave his mouth.

“I don’t know, sweetie, you had all passed out where you stood, so I snuggled up on the sofa with my Kermy.” Piggy smiled at Kermit and he balked, turning a paler shade of green if that was at all possible.

Gonzo was about to ask a question when the door burst open and two police officers entered the room.

“Las Vegas Police! Freeze!” one of the shouted.

They all held their hands up in shock and Gonzo muttered, “This is what we get for checking the address at the desk.”

“This is what we get for stealing a cop car!” Kermit gritted back.

“Be quiet!” shouted the other officer, “you’re all under arrest! You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you.”

“Cool!” exclaimed Fozzy as they all followed the officer out of the door, the second following behind them as they left.

They were all bundled into a police van and taken to the nearest precinct. One of the officers had removed the car keys from Gonzo so Kermit could only assume that they’d retrieved the cop car as well. He wondered how on earth they’d ever find Scooter, or the car they actually drove here in, or even get back home and back to normality. The van door swung open, interrupting his line of thought.

“Out you get, boys, one at a time!”

They all got up and shuffled out of the van in single file. It wasn’t as easy as you’d think, what with Kermit being cuffed to Fozzy who in turn was cuffed to Gonzo. Kermit ended up squashed by Fozzy who wasn’t paying any attention to what was going on and fell out of the truck instead of jumping out after Kermit jumped. This caused Gonzo to trip on his way out and they ended up in a big heap. Each time one of them tried to get up Fozzy would move his arms causing them to be unable to use them both to lever themselves off the floor. It surprised Kermit how strong Fozzy actually was.

In the end, the officers that were watching and laughing at them, picked them up and shoved them in the direction that they wanted them to go. They ended up being booked in whilst still cuffed together, leading to interesting mugshots. Kermit was pretty sure Fozzy had lifted him off the floor as the flash went on purpose. Then being shoved in a cell together whilst they waited to be seen to.

There was a school trip on at the time and the three discovered this as they were attempting to sit comfortably in their cell and the kids were led passed, all of them stopping to stare at them.

“Get off me!” Gonzo huffed, pushing Fozzy off him which in turn caused Fozzy to completely fall off the bench onto the floor.

“Argh!” screeched Kermit as it caused him to fall off too. “Why can’t we all just sit normally, side by side? Is that too much to ask?!”

The kids walking passed all laughed at them, causing Kermit to humph some more.

They were spared making any further spectacle of themselves by an officer turning up and opening up their cell.

“Follow me, it’s time to account for yourselves,” he told them.

They were taken to a room at the other end of the corridor from the cell, closer to the booking in desk, so it felt a little like they were close to getting out and Kermit’s spirits raised. They went in and actually managed to manoeuvre around the desk without mishap and all sat down as the officer’s that had originally arrested them came in and sat down opposite them.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen. I’m Stan and this is Rosie. Do you know why you’re here?”

Kermit went to answer, but Gonzo butted in with, “Don’t tell them anything, Kermit, they’ve got nothing on us.”

“Okay, well then I guess they don’t want to know where their car is,” said Stan.

“You know where the car is?” asked Kermit.

“We do. We picked it up about five o’clock this morning,” Rosie told them, much to the disapproving look she got from her colleague, Stan.

“Where is it now?” Kermit asked.

“In the impound,” replied Rosie.

“Not that you’re going to be able to get it until you’ve seen the judge,” snorted Stan.

“Well let’s get going then,” said Gonzo.

“Nope,” said Stan, over-pronouncing the ‘p’.

“Why not?” asked Gonzo.

“Judge isn’t in session until Monday morning,” Stan said with a definite pleased smile playing on his lips.

“We can’t stay here until Monday!” exclaimed Gonzo.

At the same time Fozzy said, “The wedding’s tomorrow!”

And Kermit exclaimed, “We need to find Scooter!”

The two officers sat back smirking at them.

“Officer, is there anything we can do?” Kermit implored, “Our friend gets married tomorrow and we are all in serious trouble if we don’t find him and get him to the wedding.”

“You stole a police car!” said Rosie.

“Well, ummm…” said Gonzo.

“Look, officers,” said Kermit. “We are really struggling to remember what happened last night. I, I’m sure we didn’t mean to intentionally steal a police car and I’m absolutely positive that we would have returned it as soon as we tracked down where our car is, and where Scooter is.” He paused for a moment looking worried. “We really need to find Scooter. Is there anything we can do for you to make up for all this that isn’t being in jail until Monday?”

The two officers looked at each other. A look of pure understanding and slightly evil delight passed between them.

“I know exactly what you can do to atone for your crime,” said Stan.

“Oh yes,” Rosie cackled, “we have just the thing for you!”

“And we do this thing, then you let us go?” Gonzo asked.

“You all do this and then you are free to go,” said Stan, winking at Rosie.

Kermit was hugely concerned by the way the two had gone from seriously angry at them to laughing and exchanging amused looks between themselves. However, they needed to find Scooter which meant that they were just all going to have to do whatever this was.

“We’ll do it,” Kermit said, kicking Gonzo under the table as he started to say they wouldn’t. “I don’t suppose you know where our car is, do you?”

“Oh, yes, that’s been impounded. You can go pay for it to be released once we’ve finished with you.” Stan then got up and started ushering them out of the room.

They were led down a corridor and into another room. This one was a lot larger than the rest and full of desks and chairs like a school classroom. It was also full of kids.

“This doesn’t look good,” Kermit murmured under his breath.

“Maybe I could show them my magic trick I’m going to do for the wedding!” exclaimed Fozzy excitedly, “I wanted to practice before tomorrow.”

Magic trick?” sniggered one child, “they’re sooo last year.”

Fozzy looked a little downhearted at that so Kermit patted him on the arm and said, “I don’t think that’s what we’ve been brought here to do somehow."

"You guys don't have any medical issues, do you?" Stan asked them in a loud whisper. They all shook their heads and he smiled and clapped his hands together, "Great! Kids you are in for a treat today!"

"Oh yes," laughed Rosie.

Kermit shared a worried look with Gonzo.

"These guys are going to show you a taser in action!" continued Stan.

There was a gasp from the kids and some excited faces.

"Oh yes," said Rosie, "You will get to see exactly what happens when the taser," she held a taser up high so all the kids could see it, "is imbedded in the criminal and how effective it is at bringing them down!"

She turned and grinned at the three guys, then turned back to the kids. Holding up a cartridge to show them and attaching it to the front of the taser she said, "Which one would you like to go first?"

There was a lot of clamouring from the kids as they all picked different ones, all shouting at once and jumping up and down in their seats in their excitement.

"This one?" asked Stan standing behind Kermit.

A resounding "No!" came from the class.

"This one?" he asked as he moved to stand behind Fozzy.

"Save the best for last!" shouted an excitable child from the back.

"Alrighty then, this one it is!" Stan crowed as he gestured Gonzo to the front of the classroom.

"Now kids, this will be fast so gather in and make sure you can see!" said Rosie.

She set herself up in a shooting stance a few feet away and then, after a wink at Gonzo, said to the group, "Count me in!"

"THREE! TWO! ONE!" shouted the class and as soon as she heard one Rosie pressed the trigger.

Kermit visibly shuddered as the taser hit Gonzo, causing smoke to puff out from where it took it’s hold, and Gonzo yelped, went rigid and fell to the ground.

“Look at that, kids!” said Stan, “What a perfect example of what happens when you’re hit by a taser!”

He removed the prongs from Gonzo’s chest and helped him over to the side of the classroom.

“Next!” exclaimed Rosie, obviously thoroughly enjoying herself.

“I, um, is it really necessary to show them again, I mean, they’ve seen it once already?” Kermit pleaded.

Rosie just motioned him to front and centre and started to talk through exactly what she had done with the previous shot. Once ready, she then re-aimed and fired at Kermit. He didn’t think he’d ever felt anything like it before.

“You liked that one too, huh kids?” asked Rosie.

A resounding clamour of approval came from the gathered kids.

“Okay, okay,” Rosie laughed whilst Stan moved Kermit out of the way the same as he’d done with Gonzo. “Who wants to have a go?”

Kermit could see that Fozzy was rooted to the spot following the first two hits and he tried to shuffle over to reassure him, but he was too late. A kid from the front of the class had stepped his way forward and been passed the taser, reloaded and ready to go. Stan pulled Fozzy to the front and Rosie showed the kid where best to stand and how to hold the taser properly.

“When you’re ready, kid,” Rosie said, “just point and shoot.”

The kid lifted the taser, aiming it at Fozzy.

“That’s great aiming!” Stan praised him.

Then he pulled the trigger. Kermit felt like he was watching in slow motion as the probes left the taser and landed on Fozzy. Unlike himself and Gonzo, Fozzy didn’t fall to the ground once the probes were imbedded and freezing his muscles.

“Oh, you’ve got a tough one!” said Stan, taking the taser off the kid. “When they’re like this, you can use the taser without the probes to give them an extra charge!”

He then pressed the empty front of the taser onto Fozzy’s shoulder and pulled the trigger, causing Fozzy to jerk a lot as the open electrical pulse was charged straight on to him. He fell to the ground with a large thud and the kids all “oohed” and “aahed” at it.

Rosie clapped her hands together to bring order to the room. “That’s it for the taser kids, who wants to go get their fingerprints done?”

She led the kids out of the room leaving the guys with Stan.

“Well, that’s it,” Stan said. “You go to the front desk and they’ll release your car and you’re done for the weekend. Go find your friend and get out of town. We don’t want to have to deal with you people again.”

Kermit was sure the threat wasn’t as heartfelt as it was supposed to sound, but didn’t want to risk them changing his mind so bobbed his head, grabbed the other two and dragged them out of the door.


Link to Part 3

Smallfandombang: Fic: The Muppets Take Las Vegas
Snape Fanfic
Fandom: The Muppets/The Hangover
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kermit/Miss Piggy
Rating/Category: NC-17
Genre: Comedy
Warnings: Spoilers for the film if you haven't already seen it!

Summary: Scooter is getting married and his close friends decide a weekend in Vegas is what he needs before the big day, but the weekend doesn't quite go to plan. They wake up the next morning with no memory of the night before and no Scooter.

What did they get up to that night? Where is Scooter? Will they find him in time for his wedding? Did the Muppets take Las Vegas or did Las Vegas take the Muppets?

The Muppets Take Las Vegas

The sun beat down on the sidewalk as Scooter and Fozzy walked to the tailors to get fitted for their suits.

“Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent! Wakka wakka wakka!”

“Very good, Fozzy,” replied Scooter as they entered the shop.

“Did you want to see my new trick?” Fozzy asked.

“Not right now, we need to get fitted for our suits, for the wedding,” Scooter told him exasperatedly.

“I’m working on it for the wedding. It’s going to be my best show ever!” Fozzy exclaimed excitedly.

“We haven’t said you can perform at the wedding,” Scooter replied, confused. Then he saw how crestfallen Fozzy looked and said, “You are, of course you are performing at the wedding!”

Fozzy brightened up considerably at that and started excitedly chatting on about his magic show and all the tricks he was going to do and how they were going to be so much better than the last time, which was a time that Scooter would far rather forget. Scooter stood patiently whilst the tailor measured him up, arms, back, neck, waist, outer leg and inner leg.

“That should do it,” said the tailor, an American Eagle called Sam.

He disappeared out the back and then came back with a suit in the style chosen for the wedding for Scooter to try. Scooter accepted it and went in to the changing room whilst Sam turned to Fozzy to measure him up.

“Are you looking forward to Vegas, Fozzy?” Scooter asked, knowing that Fozzy would find the measuring uncomfortable and hoping to distract him.

“Oh yes,” came the reply.

“I’m glad you agreed to come along. It’s going to be great fun,” said Scooter.

A breathy squeal came from the shop, followed by some disgruntled muttering that could only have been coming from the tailor.

“What’s going on?” Scooter asked stepping out from behind the curtain, suit trousers on doing up his untucked shirt and trying not to drop the bowtie, which he had no idea of how to fasten, it being a length of material and not a pre-made bow with fastener. Sometimes, just sometimes, he wished he’d paid more attention to the details of this wedding.

“He touched me!” exclaimed Fozzy, running over to where Scooter stood.

“I did no such thing!” declared Sam haughtily. “I was merely measuring his inside leg.”

“He touched me!” Fozzy exclaimed again.

“It’s ok Fozzy,” Scooter said as he patted him on the shoulder. “He wasn’t trying to touch you, he was measuring your leg. If he, erm, brushed against anything, it was merely by accident.”

Fozzy visibly relaxed, but still stared at the tailor as though he wasn’t convinced.

“Have you got enough to pick out a suit that will fit?” Scooter asked.

“Yes, I suppose that will have to do,” replied Sam haughtily and he went out in the back to get one.

“Do you think your friends will like me?” Fozzy asked Scooter.

“Of course they will Fozzy,” Scooter reassured him, “Just try not to tell too many silly jokes.”

“What, like, did you hear about the magic tractor?”

“Yes, try not to tell jokes like that one,” Scooter replied.

“But did you hear about the magic tractor?” Fozzy asked.

Sighing because he knew he’d have to hear the joke, Scooter replied, “No, I didn’t hear about the magic tractor.”

“It went down the road and turned into a field! Wakka wakka wakka!”

He laughed with Fozzy more out of politeness than because the joke was funny. Deep down, he was worried about Fozzy coming with him on his bachelor party. The others might make fun of him and, whilst he could be a pain, he was lovable and Scooter didn’t want his future wife’s brother to get hurt whilst in his care, it would be no way to start their life together, she’d never forgive him.


Scooter and Fozzy pull up outside Gonzo’s science lab on the university campus in Fozzy’s father’s pristine Cadillac convertible.

“I still don’t get why you’re driving, I mean, it’s my Dad’s car,” whined Fozzy.

“Because your Dad told me not to let you and that was the only way I was getting the keys, alright?” replied Scooter exasperated because they’d had this conversation five times with his Dad before they’d even left the house and this was the third time since they’d got in the car. “Now just drop it will you, we’re supposed to be having fun!”

At that moment there was a load bang, a shattering of glass and a plume of smoke billowed out of the lab where moments before they were sure there had been a window. The next thing they knew, Gonzo had thrown his bag in the boot and leapt into the car, motioning at Fozzy to get in the back, which he did, and settling himself into the front seat.

“Go go go!” he shouted excitedly at Scooter, “Vegas baby!”

“But, what about that?” Scooter asked, pointing towards the lab.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Gonzo dismissed it all with a wave of his arm, “It’ll be cleaned up by the time I get back.”

Thinking it best not to ask, Scooter put the car in gear and safely pulled away from the curb and headed in the direction of Kermit’s house, the last one to pick up before they hit the open road.

Kermit was sat on his front wall waiting for them and waved when he saw them turn into the road.

“Hi guys!” he said as he placed his bag in the boot and hopped into the car to sit next to Fozzy. “How’re you all doing?”

“Good thanks Kermit,” replied Scooter. “You all good?”

“Oh yes,” Kermit nodded. “Ready when you are!”

And with that, Scooter set the sat nav for Vegas and turned towards the open road as Gonzo turned the music up. The radio was playing “Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard” and they all whooped and started singing along as their journey began.


It was a four and a half hour drive to Vegas and they crested the hill to see it in all its glory, lights illuminating the desert around it. They all whooped for joy, the excitement of the trip hitting a peak as it became more real than imagined. Scooter navigated the Cadillac into the town and down the famous Strip, hotels looming over them on either side, lights and music playing, people moved around the streets with a bounce in their step, the excitement of the city illuminating their faces.

Scooter pulled the car up outside Caesars Palace and they all climbed out the car, Kermit gathered the bags up from everyone, putting them on a trolley for a valet to take into the hotel as Scooter gave the car keys to another waiting valet.

“This place is great!” commented Kermit, not being used to being waited on hand and foot.

Nodding in agreement the others joined him and they headed into the hotel, feeling like they were on top of the world.

They approached the front desk to find a robot waiting to assist them.

“How can I be of assistance?” he asked jerkily.

“Oh great, a robot,” muttered Gonzo under his breath, earning him an elbow to the chest from Kermit.

“We’re here to book in,” replied Kermit as he tried to see if there was a name badge.

“Totally tubular! Welcome to Caesars Palace!” ‘80s Robot replied, “What name are you booked under?”

“Gonzo,” Kermit replied.

‘80s Robot plugged himself in and they all cringed as a really loud and squealing modem noise emitted from his direction as he checked the computer. “Oh yes, four of you for one night in an economy suite. Is that right?”

“Absolutely not!” Gonzo butted in before Kermit could even open his mouth. “This is my best friend from childhood, Scooter right here, and in two days he will be marrying the girl of his dreams. We’ve all travelled here to reunite and rejoice in the next stage of his life. This simply cannot be done in an economy suite. You must have got the booking wrong.”

‘80s Robot apologised and re-loaded the computer, causing the noise to occur again which made them all wince. “The booking is not wrong, four for one night, economy suite.”

“Well, this is simply not good enough!” replied Gonzo as Kermit tugged at his arm trying to stop him from going on. “There must be something you can do?”

‘80s Robot looked around him as if looking for help, or inspiration, and then said, “Would you like a TaB?” as he offered a can of the stuff to them over the counter.

“How about you find a better room for us to be put up in?!” Gonzo yelled in frustration.

There were more connection squeals and then ‘80s Robot said “I can offer you the Dean Martin suite for a very reasonable price hike.”

“We’ll take it,” Gonzo interrupted him. “Have room service send up some champagne and hors d’oeuvres right away!”

“Yes sir, of course,” ‘80s Robot said, “The suite calls for payment up front. How would you like to pay?”

“We’ll pay by card,” Gonzo replied pulling out his wallet. “Ah. I seem to have left my card behind. Kermit?”

Kermit sighed and pulled out his AmEx passing it over to ‘80s Robot. “This is going to cause me problems.”

“We’ll sort out the little details later,” Gonzo told him with a laugh, slapping him on his back.

With the room paid for and room service ordered, all that was left for them to do was go get settled in the suite. They all headed for the elevator and pressing the button for the suite even had Kermit stopped stressing about the money he’d just paid out and start getting back into the excitement of the weekend.

The suite had them all stunned for a moment. It was roomy, with lounge including a miniature grand piano; multiple en-suite bedrooms as well as a large stand-alone bathroom with Jacuzzi bath and jet stream shower. There’s a bar across the back wall of the lounge and a balcony across the front with massive windows and long flowing white curtains. The decor wasn’t what they were concentrating on though; the room service was already set up in the lounge.

“Let’s get this party started!” Gonzo yelled in excitement as he started opening a bottle of champagne, aiming the cork at the other three who were still stood in the doorway.

Scooter ducked and rolled into the lounge area, coming to a halt at the table and grabbing a champagne flute to get his share of the bubbles.

“This is so awesome!” he laughed.

Kermit and Fozzy joined them, grabbing a glass each, and soon they were all toasting the weekend, laughter and bubbles all round.

“Bagsy the four poster!” Fozzy shouts out, racing to the largest of the rooms and throwing himself onto the bed and bouncing on it.

The rest of them exchanged amused looks and then went to their respective rooms to dump their bags and get ready for the night.

“Wheels up in ten, mo’ fo’s!” yelled Gonzo as he got swept up in the excitement of the trip.

They all set about getting ready in their separate rooms, marvelling at the space the suite offered them and rejoicing in the fact that they no longer had to share rooms. Kermit was still worried about having to use his card for the suite. He got himself ready, then stared at himself in the mirror.

“Well, looking at yourself isn’t going to get this done!” he told his reflection, then he got his phone out and dialled.

He barely got a word in as his girlfriend answered his call and started quizzing him straight away. The conversation was pretty one sided, she jabbered away at him telling him everything she thought he was doing and he merely answered with a yes or a no or a non-committal noise.

“Well, that went well,” he said as he hung up the call.

“Lying to your girlfriend about where you are again?” quipped Gonzo as he breezed in.

Kermit cringed.

“You are lying to her about where you are!” Gonzo exclaimed.

“Yes, alright, yes I am,” sighed Kermit. “That’s why I didn’t want to use my card. I’m going to be in so much trouble when she finds out. I told her we were wine tasting in Napa Valley.”

Gonzo looked at Kermit for a moment. Then he threw back his head and roared with laughter. “Napa Valley!”

“It’s just easier than having another fight,” Kermit said fidgeting with embarrassment. “Don’t go on about it so much.”

“My lips are sealed Kermit, let’s go have some fun!” Gonzo slung his arm around Kermits shoulder and they walked out into the main room together to meet the others.

“Where’s Fozzy?” asked Kermit.

“Downstairs,” Scooter replied.

Kermit decided to gloss over the current absence of Scooter’s soon-to-be brother-in-law and held out his hand.

“Woah! That’s a beauty! But, you know, I’m already getting married, Kermit,” laughed Scooter.

“I’m going to propose. After the ceremony. It’s been three years, it’s time.” Kermit nodded as the others just gaped at him. “This was handed down to me from my grandmother. It survived the Great Destruction of the Swamp.”

“It’s a beautiful ring,” Scooter told him whilst Gonzo just snorted.

Scooter was about to question Gonzo about his noise when another noise, happening again and again, continuously like a drum beat and getting louder with each one, caught all of their attention.

“What?” was all that Scooter could manage.

Before anyone else could speak, Fozzy came into the room, a bottle in his hand and the strange noises coming from his feet.

“What are they?” asked Scooter.

“Fart shoes!” beamed Fozzy.

“You are not wearing those out tonight,” Gonzo told him.

Fozzy’s face fell and Scooter quickly stepped in to defuse the fight he could see coming.

“They will lose their charm out on the town, Fozzy,” he placated. “Maybe you could wear them to breakfast instead?”

The others glared at him and he shrugged and mouthed at them, “Maybe he’ll forget?”

Fozzy was already starting to cheer up again.

“Alright,” he said taking them off. “But you must all come with me right now.”

Fozzy turned and walked back out the room towards the hallway, no fart sounds accompanied him, and the guys all followed a mixture of worry, fear and curiosity playing over their faces as they went.

They all got in the elevator and Fozzy grinned at them again, full on happy as if ‘fartgate’ never happened, and pressed the button for the top floor.

“Where are we going?” asked Kermit.

“You’ll see!” replied Fozzy excitedly.

The doors opened onto what looked like a service corridor and Fozzy skipped out of the elevator and down the corridor a little way to where there was a fire exit. He pushed open the door and then wedged it with a service trolley to keep it open.

“Come on!” he called to them.

They follow Fozzy out onto the roof bathed in the last tendrils of the setting sun and take in the stunning panorama. The Strip starting to light up for the nights’ entertainment with the mountains beyond, it takes their breath away.

“How the hell did you find this place?” Gonzo asked, awed. “It’s amazing!”

“Wow, look at that view,” Kermit said as he stared out across the roof tops.

“This is great!” Scooter told Fozzy as he looked around.

Fozzy merely kept on beaming at them all and then produced the bottle he’d had in his hand when he’d gone back to the suite.

“A toast?” he asked.

“Hell yeah!” cried Gonzo.

They all grouped around Fozzy as he handed out shots of Jägermeister. He held his up in the air and the others all joined theirs with his.

“To Scooter and his last night of freedom. Scooter!” Fozzy said.

They all cheered Scooter’s name and downed their shots. Glasses were refilled and they each toasted Scooter in turn, the toasts getting sillier and sillier as they went on. They could all tell that this was going to be a great night.


Sunlight poured into the suite, caressing Kermits face as he slept on the sofa. Camilla the Chicken slowly picked her way across the ransacked room, clucking intermittently and pecking at random crumbs on the floor. The door to the suite opened and shut as someone left and the noise it made woke Fozzy up. He stood up from where he had been laying on the floor behind the bar and almost immediately fell over again making a racket that woke Kermit from his stupor.

Kermit groaned as Fozzy managed to wend his way into the bathroom seeming to make the most noise muppetly possible. He forced himself to sit up, leaning against the back of the sofa because he really couldn’t face supporting his head and body of his own accord. His head was pounding and he really thought that going back to sleep would be the best thing for him, but his plan was interrupted by a gargled screaming from the bathroom that got louder as Fozzy ran back into the room.

“T..T..T…Tiger!” Fozzy stuttered and then promptly fell over Gonzo who had crashed out on the floor near the bathroom.

“OWW! Get off! Get off! Argh!” exclaimed Gonzo as he was rudely awakened.

Gonzo pulled himself up into a seated position, groaning and holding his head. “What’s all the fuss about?”

“There’s a tiger in the bathroom,” Fozzy said in a matter of fact manner, the initial shock having worn off.

“Okay, Fozzy. Whatever you say,” Gonzo replied as he turned over and started putting the duvet back over his head.

“I mean it!” said Fozzy, “There’s really a tiger in the bathroom!”

“Fine, okay,” groaned Gonzo as he got up to go and look.

“Don’t go in,” replied Fozzy fearfully.

Gonzo ignored him, opened the door to the bathroom and slowly peered his way in. The next minute he was backing out as fast as he could as he slammed the bathroom door shut.

“Oh crap! There’s actually a tiger in there!” he said laughing. “What’re we going to do with that?!”

Kermit was slowly taking in the wreckage of the room. “Same as what we’ll be doing with this I guess,” he said gesturing at the mess. “I guess I can kiss my AmEx goodbye.”

“How does a tiger get in the bathroom?” Gonzo asked incredulously.

“I don’t remember a thing about last night, do you?” Kermit asked looking over at Gonzo.

“Me either,” replied Gonzo. “Wait. What is that?!” he exclaimed as he pointed at Kermit.

“What’s what?” Kermit asked looking all around him thinking that Gonzo was pointing behind him.

“On your face! All shiney and…. gunkey,” replied Gonzo.

Kermit grabbed a silver tray from the mess on the coffee table in front of him and held it up to his face. The noise he made was something between a croak, gasp and a groan.

“She’s going to kill me,” he said after the initial shock wore off.

Gonzo bounced down next to him on the sofa, jostling his shoulder. “Dude! You did something crazy! Hey! Does this make you a bull-frog?”

Gonzo laughed hysterically.

Kermit pursed his lips. “Did it have to be a nose ring though? And why don’t I remember getting it done?”

Gonzo laughed. “Let’s go downstairs, grab some food and coffee and see if a bit of refreshment can’t help jog our memories.”

“Where’s Scooter?” Fozzy asked.

“Umm, have a look in the bedrooms Fozzy,” Kermit replied, not able to see him in the room with them.

Fozzy disappeared for a few moments and when he came back he was wearing a baby carrier with a baby rat in it.

“Where on earth did you find that?” asked Kermit, “and where’s Scooter?!”

Kermit was starting to freak out. His voice was rising with each question.

“Shhh,” said Fozzy, “you’ll wake the baby! Scooter’s not here. Also, his mattress is gone.”

“Okay, come on. Breakfast,” said Gonzo, taking control and ordering the other two out of the suite.

They got themselves a table, ordered some breakfast with extra water and orange juice as all of them needed to re-hydrate. Once the food had arrived and they were able to eat and start feeling more like themselves, they started to talk about the night before again.

“Why can’t we remember what we did last night? It wasn’t that long ago,” said Kermit.

Fozzy was busy tickling the baby’s tummy. “Coochy coochy coo! Want to see a trick? Yes, you do!” he then pulled a coin from behind the baby’s ear. “Oooh look at that! Magic ear!”

He then proceeded to do little tricks for the baby even though Kermit did try to point out that the baby wouldn’t have a clue what he was doing.

“We obviously had a great time,” Gonzo said, rubbing his head. “Stop worrying. We’ll find Scooter.”

Kermit pushed his plate to one side. “I can’t just sit here. I’m going to go see if he’s in the hotel somewhere.”

Kermit hopped down from the table and wandered through the restaurant looking around him as he went. He went everywhere that he thought Scooter could possibly have gone and then returned to the others looking rather dejected.

“I looked everywhere, guys,” he told them. “In the gym, the casino, I even asked about him at the front desk. Nobody’s seen him. He’s just not here. Where can he be?”

“Right, then we’ve just got to retrace our steps,” Gonzo said. “Where’s the last place you remember being last night?”

“Well, I remember the first thing was the shots of Jäger on the roof,” replied Kermit.

“And then we went for dinner, right? At The Palm?” asked Gonzo looking thoughtful as he swirled the last of his orange juice.

“That’s right! We went to Hard Rock after to play craps!” exclaimed Kermit as a vague memory of their conversation at dinner came back to him. “We were arguing about who would do better at it.”

“That’s right!” Gonzo said, “Scooter was definitely with us then.”

Fozzy put his knife down from where he’d been buttering some toast and said, “I don’t even remember going to dinner.”

Kermit groaned, “I don’t think I’ve ever been this hung-over.”

“Want me to perform my trick I’m doing for the wedding?” asked Fozzy, “It might take your mind off it.”

“Thank you for the thought, Fozzy, but we’ve really got to work out where Scooter is so we can get back home.” Kermit looked at Gonzo. “Any ideas?”

“We probably have vague memories of the night up to about 10pm, right?” Gonzo replied, “So that gives us 12 hours left that we can’t remember up until waking up in the suite, so we need to retrace our steps somehow.” He raised his hand to his head to scratch his nose whilst he pondered the matter.

“What’s that?” asked Kermit, “On your wrist?”

Gonzo looked at his wrist for a while, as if trying to focus and work out what the hell was going on.

“I think it’s a hospital bracelet,” he replied looking at Kermit as the lightbulb hit. “I was in the hospital!”

“Gonzo! Are you okay?” Kermit asked concerned at this development.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Gonzo waved him off.

Fozzy was rooting around in his satchel while all this was going on and pulled something out, placing it on the table.

“This isn’t part of my trick,” he stated matter-of-factly.

Kermit looked over and saw that he had a casino chip.

“We could have stuff in our pockets that could help us see where we went!” he said excitedly as he started pulling everything out of his pockets.

“Do you have anything?” Gonzo asked as he checked his own.

“Oh, wow,” Kermit said, the breath seeming to completely leave his body. “I’m so screwed.”

“What?” asked Gonzo, “What is it?”

“An ATM receipt from The Bellagio for $800,” said Kermit barely able to get the words out he was so in shock from it.
“What time was that?” Gonzo asked completely brushing off Kermit’s obvious panic.

“Five past eleven.”

“Okay, so we were at The Bellagio at five past eleven and I’ve got a valet ticket from Caesars at quarter past midnight,” said Gonzo waving the valet ticket in the air. “This is starting to come together!”

“We drove last night?” Kermit asked incredulously.

“Driving drunk, classic!” laughed Fozzy.

“This is not a good thing, Fozzy!” Kermit reprimanded. “We should not have been doing that!”

“Kermit!” said Gonzo, “This is a good thing, this gives us a lead!”

Kermit nodded, trying to see the good side of everything they’d been faced with so far that morning.

“Hey, Kermit, watch this!” Fozzy said as he took the baby and sparked up a lighter. “I’m going to make him disappear in a puff of smoke!”

“NO!” exclaimed Kermit.

Fozzy looked hurt and confused as Kermit grabbed the baby off him horrified at what might have happened if Fozzy had done whatever he had been planning on doing.

“Now isn’t the time for tricks, Fozzy,” he berated. Then, with a softer tone of voice, “we want to enjoy your trick at the wedding, we won’t be able to if you show us everything you can do now.”

“Okay, Kermit,” Fozzy conceded.

“Come on guys,” said Gonzo. “Let’s go get the car and see what else we can remember.”

They left the table, Fozzy still carrying the baby and the others walking either side of him.

“I don’t think we should take the car, guys,” Fozzy said. “My Dad’s crazy about that car and he specifically said only Scooter was allowed to drive it.”

“Yeah, but Scooter’s not here so we’re just going to have to,” said Gonzo. “Needs must!”

“Scooter could be in hospital, we need to go find out,” Kermit said, worry setting in again.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, well, almost. Fozzy did insist on playing peek-a-boo with the baby even though he was carrying him on his front in a baby carrier, swinging his head from side and making coochy-coo noises.

They got outside to see a crane being backed up to the front of the hotel and, as they looked up to see what it was there for, Kermit gasped.

“That’s Scooter’s mattress!” he whispered, alarmed.

Gonzo patted him on the arm to calm him down, then turned to one of the valet staff.

“Hey, what’s all this about?”

“Some douchebag through his bed outta the window last night,” the valet replied.

“Woah,” Gonzo replied raising an eyebrow at the other two. “Some guys just can’t handle Vegas!”

“Yeah,” replied the valet, taking the ticket that Gonzo offered him.

The valet went off to fetch their car and Kermit looked at Gonzo, lips starting to wobble.

“It’s gonna be okay, Kermit, don’t worry!” Gonzo told him.

“How…. How?” stuttered Kermit turning from Gonzo to the mattress being slowly retrieved from one of the many statues that adorned the front of the hotel.

“Don’t worry about it,” replied Gonzo as the valet pulled up in a police car.

“Here’s your car, officers.”

All three of them just stood and stared at both the valet and the car, dumbfounded.

“Okay, okay,” said Gonzo, “act cool, don’t say a word, just go with it.”

He moved forward and accepted the keys off the valet. There was a moment of scuffle where they were all looking for spare cash to tip the valet, but no-one could find any.

“Sorry, gonna have to get that to you on the way back,” Gonzo told him.

“Thank you, Sir,” replied the valet.

They all got in and headed off from the hotel, Gonzo driving with Kermit in the passenger seat and Fozzy and his found baby in the back. They didn’t manage to get very far though as there was a huge traffic jam outside the hotel.

“This is wrong, this is so wrong,” Kermit worried.

“Can’t you see the fun part in anything?” asked Gonzo, “Think of it like one of my stunts!”

“I am,” replied Kermit through gritted teeth. He wanted to tell his friend that none of his stunts ever work and that’s why he was so worried about this one, but he didn’t have the heart to hurt him that much when they had so much more important things on their plate, like finding Scooter.

Instead, he just said, “We’re in a police car, which we must’ve stolen cos I can’t see how else we’ve got it, there’s a missing baby in the back seat and…..” he gasped loudly as Gonzo switched on the lights and siren and manoeuvred the car onto the pavement. “And now you’re driving on the pavement into crowds of people and you want me to find this fun?!”

“I think the cop-car part’s pretty cool,” said Fozzy.

“Thank you, Fozzy, it is cool!” said Gonzo with a pointed look at Kermit. “Doug would love it.”

Gonzo then picked up the microphone on the dash and started talking into it, “Attention! Attention, please! Move out of the way. I repeat, move out of the way.”

Kermit started to have a mild panic attack, unable to cope with the gravity of what he’d got himself involved in because he’d let Gonzo lead the way.

“Gonzo, stop the car, I need to get out,” Kermit said.

Gonzo just kept on driving, repeating his mantra to get people out of the way.

“Seriously, stop the car, I need to get out.” Kermit was dry heaving by this point, but Gonzo wasn’t listening.

“Hey, you, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack!” he said down the microphone.

Fozzy laughed and agreed with him as Kermit started screaming, “Get off the sidewalk!!”

As he drove down the sidewalk and back onto the road again, after the traffic jam, Gonzo whooped with joy and said, “I would have been a cop if my real calling wasn’t so awesome.”

“You work as a lecturer in a school’s science block, is that your real calling cos that’s not awesome,” put in Fozzy from the back seat.

“Yeah, I know, that’s to pay the bills. My real calling is a stuntman and I love doing that job!” Gonzo replied.

He pulled into the parking lot for the hospital and they all got out, none so fast as Kermit who needed to be out of the confined space and away from the car to help settle his frayed nerves. They all headed into the hospital and went in search of the doctor whose name was on the bracelet round Gonzo’s wrist.

“There’s his room,” Kermit said pointing to the name on the door.

They knocked and entered when they were called in. The doctor was sat behind his desk with a computer whirring away in front of him and a stack of medical notes to one side. He looked up expectantly at them as they entered.

“Doc…” started Gonzo before he was interrupted.

“Call me Clifford,” the doctor said, “I remember you guys from last night, where’s the other one?”

“There were definitely four of us?” asked Kermit.

“Yes, four adults, not three and a baby,” Clifford laughed.

“So Scooter was with us then!” Kermit said to Gonzo.

“What was I admitted for?” asked Gonzo.

“You came in with a mild concussion and some bruised ribs. You were fine. Although, none of you could articulate how it happened,” replied Clifford.

“The other guy,” said Kermit, “was he okay?”

“Yeah, he was fine. Except for being whacked out of his brains like the rest of you were,” Clifford replied dismissively.

They all looked at each other.

“We just have a couple more questions,” Kermit asked tentatively.

“Go on then, but be quick I’ve got a surgery in ten minutes.”

“Do you know what time Gonzo and the rest of us were all here?” Kermit asked.

Clifford looked thoughtfully at his desk for a moment.

“Ah!” he said as he rummaged through the pile of notes on his desk. “I have the documents here. Okay, we’ve got it logged as a 2:45am arrival.” He hummed and ahhed as he read through the document. “Oh, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning. They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system.”

The guys all looked at each other puzzled.

“Ruphylin?” Gonzo asked.

“Yep. Ruphylin. Roofies. Commonly known as the date-rape drug,” Clifford replied.

“So you’re saying I was raped last night?” he asked.

“Actually, I don’t think so. I just think someone slipped you the drug. The state you were all in it wouldn’t surprise me if it was slipped to all of you,” replied Clifford. “I’m not surprised you don’t remember anything.”

“Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?” Fozzy said clumsily, laughing.

“Yeah, how could someone of drugged us all?” asked Kermit.

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Clifford said. “The stuff’s out of your system by now. You’re going to be fine.”

Clifford started packing his things up in preparation to go to his surgery, effectively dismissing them from the room.

“Wait, wait!” said Gonzo. “Please, Doc, Clifford, is there anything else?”

“Yes,” picked up Kermit, “like something we were talking about…”

“Or someplace we were going?” finished Gonzo.

“Actually,” Clifford said, pausing his actions. “There was something.”

“What?” chorused Gonzo, Kermit and Fozzy.

“You kept on talking about some wedding last night.”

“Yeah, Scooter’s getting married tomorrow,” replied Kermit dejectedly the hope that they’d find a clue dashed.

“No, not one you were going to, one you’d been to. You’d just come from a wedding. Yes, that’s right.” Clifford picked up his briefcase and the keys to his office and ushered them all out of the door.

“A wedding we’d been to?” asked Kermit, confused.

“Yeah, at the Best Little Chapel. You kept on saying how great it was and getting all crazy about it.” Clifford turned towards the elevators. “I’ve got to head off. I hope our little chat has helped somewhat.”

As the doctor left them to it they all looked at each other in confusion.

“A wedding at the Best Little Chapel? Who do we know around here that we’d have gone to their wedding?” asked Kermit.

“I don’t know, man but we obviously must’ve done so let’s go find the place and see what else we can learn,” replied Gonzo.

They headed back to the borrowed car (as Kermit was now referring to it in order to stop him from having any further panic attacks about it) and headed back out on the road.

“How are we going to find it?” asked Fozzy.

“We could go find a map from somewhere,” suggested Kermit.

“Or, we could use the built in sat nav in the cop-car!!” crowed Gonzo as he set it up. “Bingo!”

Kermit relaxed a bit at that and they headed off following the automated voice telling them where to find this Chapel they had attended the previous evening. Fozzy had sat the baby in the middle seat of the car with the strap around him and he seemed to be doing okay. He was watching everything that was going on and there were no tears yet. Kermit was watching him in the rear view mirror and wracking his brains to try and remember why or how they had ended up with a baby rat in their hotel suite. He was interrupted by Gonzo slamming on the brakes and almost handbrake turning into the front drive of the wedding chapel they were looking for.

“Looks like it’s open,” Gonzo said, “come on guys, let’s go find out who’s wedding we were at!”

They all got out the car and Fozzy shut the door leaving the baby inside.

“What about the baby?” Kermit said. “We can’t just leave him in the car.”

“Yeah we can,” replied Gonzo, nonchalantly.

“We’re not going to be long,” replied Fozzy, “Be like five minutes and then we’ll be back.”

“We can’t just leave him in the car!” Kermit repeated, his voice rising.

“He’ll be fine!” Gonzo brushed off. “I’ve cracked a window.”

Kermit curled his lip in disapproval, but decided to just go with it. He didn’t fancy taking full responsibility for the baby when it was Fozzy that had found him. It would probably just make things worse because it would upset Fozzy. Deciding that this excuse was enough for him to walk away from the car leaving the baby in it, he followed the other two into the chapel.

“What if they don’t remember us?” he asked.

“We’ll find out in a minute!” replied Gonzo, taking it all in his stride.

The door to the chapel opened into a small waiting area with comfy looking chairs and flowers decorating the space. Opposite was another set of doors and the gang walked through these into a small chapel area with rows of seats all covered in organza, an aisle down the middle and an alter at the end. There were two people by the alter cleaning.

“Excuse me, sir? Hi. Hello,” said Kermit as he got their attention.

The male turned around. “Look at these guys!” he exclaimed throwing his hands out in a welcoming gesture. “What happened? You miss me?”

They all stood looking at him, dumbfounded.

“You miss Floyd?” he asked. “You want some more from me?”

He walked up to them smiling with his arms still out wide.

“How are you?” he said, taking hold of Kermit by the face with both hands. “Look at this guy. You’re one crazy dude!”

Kermit laughed nervously.

Floyd stepped back and grinned at them all as Kermit said, “What’s going on?” hoping that this was the greeting Floyd was expecting.

“Listen, dudes, I’m going to tell you something,” Floyd said in a confiding manner. “I have known some sic people in my life.” He grabbed hold of Kermit’s shoulder. “This guy, this is the craziest, wildest humdinger I ever met in my life!”

“This guy?” asked Gonzo incredulously.

“This guy is out of this world!” confirmed Floyd laughing. “What’s going on, you crazy people?”

Floyd then full on hugged Kermit. Kermit looked a bit shocked and barely reacted to the hug, wondering what the hell was going on.

“What happened?” Floyd asked stepping back and looking at Kermit with concern. “You don’t hug me back? Where’s the love for Floyd?”

“Oh, no! No!” replied Kermit trying to rectify the situation before it turned nasty. “It’s not that, Floyd. It’s just that we’re having a hard time remembering what happened last night.”

“Yeah,” Gonzo butted in, “was there a wedding here?”

“Do you do weddings here?” asked Fozzy, to which Gonzo rolled his eyes.

“Dudes!” Floyd laughed, “You’re breaking my balls!”

“Obviously we were here,” laughed Gonzo. “We’re looking for our friend, Scooter. Do you remember if he was here with us?”

“Yeah, the small guy, like a monkey,” said Floyd.

“Yes! That’s him!” replied Kermit happily.

“Yeah, he was here, he was your best man!” Floyd told him.

“Best man?” Kermit asked.

“Janice, get the boxes out for this fine man,” Floyd called over his shoulder.

Janice left the room by a door at the back of the alter and Floyd led the boys down to the alter and stopped at the desk that was to one side with the register on it. Janice then came back in carrying a couple of boxes full of memorabilia from the wedding the night before.

“Here you go, boys,” she said, smiling.

Kermit picked up a cup from out of the top box and stared at it. It quite clearly showed him in a suit waggling his wedding finger whilst his other arm was draped around a rather attractive blonde.

“And you thought your credit card bill was your only problem,” laughed Gonzo as he looked over his shoulder.

Kermit made a strange, croaking, strangling noise.

Floyd was happily emptying out some of the other memorabilia and Fozzy grabbed a baseball cap and put it on

“Hey, look at me!” he crowed.

“Take that off!” Kermit cried, “I can’t have any evidence of this!”

“Hey, Kermit,” said Gonzo as he waved a photo under his nose. “Isn’t that your grandmothers ring?”

Kermit stared at the photograph and then put his head in his hands as he said, “My life is officially over.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” replied Gonzo cheerfully. “At least we’ve got proof that Scooter was with us.”

The picture showed Kermit and his mystery blonde with Fozzy, Gonzo and Scooter all grinning widely at the camera. It looked like they’d had a fantastic time, but Kermit couldn’t remember any of it and couldn’t for the life of him work out why or how he’d ended up getting married in a Vegas chapel in the middle of his friends’ stag do.

“Here’s your calendar,” said Floyd handing him a wall calendar full of pictures from the wedding. “You and Miss Piggy look mighty happy here!”

“Miss Piggy?” asked Kermit.

“Wow, you really don’t remember anything do you, man!” laughed Floyd. “Miss Piggy is your darling wife, and what a darling she was!”


“Janice, you are my moon and stars,” Floyd told her with a wink to the lads, “but I can still appreciate another man’s beauty when he has one.”

“Here’s the thing,” said Kermit. “She’s not really mine. I’m not sure how all this happened, but it needs to be undone.”

“I can give you a good price for an annulment. Such a shame to do it, but I will if you insist,” said Floyd.

“Oh, I insist!” replied Kermit as he took out his wallet. “Can you do it now?”

“Oh no,” replied Floyd.

Kermit stared at him in dismay.

“I need the both of you here to do that,” Floyd explained when he saw the look on Kermits face.

“Okay, no problem. We’ll just go find her and then come back,” Kermit replied.

“Maybe she’ll know where Scooter is,” said Fozzy thoughtfully.

“Yes, hopefully!” Kermit said. “Then we’ll be able to get out of here and forget all this mess.”

“We don’t know where she lives,” Gonzo pointed out.

“I can help with that,” said Floyd, “you both filled out our paperwork for the wedding to proceed so I have her address right here.”

Floyd produced a piece of paper from one of the desk drawers and handed it to them.

“Come on then!” Kermit shouted as he grabbed the bit of paper and practically ran out of the chapel.

“Don’t you want all your stuff, Kermit?” Gonzo shouted after him, grinning.

Floyd handed one box to Gonzo and one to Fozzy. “You take it out for him,” he said as he ushered them out after Kermit.

Kermit was waiting at the car, not able to get in because Gonzo had the keys. “What’ve you got all that for?”

“It’s your memorabilia, you can’t leave it behind,” laughed Gonzo, thoroughly enjoying the whole thing.

“Yes, yes I can!” yelled Kermit grabbing the box off Fozzy and half throwing, half dropping it on the floor because it was too heavy for him.

He then started kicking the box and jumping on it and just generally trying to destroy all of it whilst waving his arms about in anger and yelling and screaming at them.

Gonzo was just about to step in and stop him, after he finished filming some of it on his phone, when a car came screeching round the corner and came to a sharp halt right next to them. It was enough to stop Kermit’s rage and he turned, breathing heavily, to see what was going on.

Two pigs jumped out of the car, one twiddling a baseball bat in his hands and the other holding a gun.

“Gun!” yelled Kermit, diving for cover behind the car. “Open the door! Open the door!”

“I’m trying!” yelled Gonzo as he fumbled with the keys.

“Where is he?” shouted one of the pigs.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about!” Kermit shouted back as Gonzo managed to unlock the car and the three of them jumped in. “Start it up! Start it up!”

“I am! I am!” Gonzo screeched as he got the engine started.

A gun shot made them all jump and then the pigs were in front of the car yelling at them.


“Woah!” Gonzo had the car in reverse and was making smoke seem to pour from the car as he tried to reverse without taking the handbrake off.

“HANDBRAKE!” yelled Kermit as one of the pigs shot at the car and the front windscreen shattered.

Gonzo managed to remove the brake and the car shot backwards and into the street. He quickly turned the wheel, turning the car, and then shot off away from the chapel.

“What. The. Hell. Was. That?!” Kermit asked angrily.

“Hey!” replied Gonzo, “Calm down! I have just about as much an idea as you do!”

Kermit was rocking in his seat. “It’s going to be alright. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be fine.”

“Course we are, dude!” said Gonzo. “We’ve got the birds name and address and she’ll know where Scooter is!”

Gonzo set the sat nav again, this time programming it to take them to Miss Piggy’s apartment, and started following the route. Kermit was glad that it seemed to be taking them further away from the mad pigs with the gun, but as the fear from that particular incident started to fade, the nerves started to kick in about meeting Miss Piggy again. He still couldn’t remember anything about meeting her or how they ended up getting married and he was nervous to have to go meet her and ask for an annulment all in one breath.

Fic: That Stiles Stilinski, He's A Marshmallow Written for the 2013/2014 Sterek Big Bang
Stewie Novel
Title: That Stiles Stilinksi, He's A Marshmallow
Author: lazydazyfics
Artist: delacours
Genre: Alternate Universe; Fusion
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~20k
Warnings: Veronica Mars Fusion
Summary: Stiles used to be part of the in-crowd. His Dad used to be the Sheriff. Then his best friend was murdered and everything went wrong. Now Stiles is left out in the cold because his Dad arrested the wrong person and his former friends are holding it against him. His Dad, reputation in tatters, became a Private Investigator in order to keep Stiles at school and Stiles, in turn, uses this to run his own investigations. Ultimately, he uses it to find out the truth about Laura Hale’s death in order to exonerate himself, his Dad and Derek, the person his Dad initially arrested. His search for the truth takes him through emotions he had been trying to avoid and results in a relationship forming that had long been wanted and repressed.

That Stiles Stilinksi, He's A Marshmallow Part OneCollapse )

Dark Angel Big Bang & 12 Days Of Dark Angel 2013
DABB Icon for On the Dunes of the Cape
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

Fanfic, Eureka, Jack/Nathan, Be careful with that - Written for SmallFandomFest Fest13
Jack Does Not Approve
Title: Fruity Fancies
Author: lazydazyfics
Fandom: Eureka
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Nathan
Rating/Category: NC-17 slash
Word Count: 2,305
Prompt: Be careful with that.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Jack hoped to have a fruitful day, but not literally!
Notes/Warnings: Set in Eureka-verse where Jack and Nathan are already an item.

Fruity FanciesCollapse )

My longfic_bingo Card!
It Mocks Me
So glitterfics knows that I love a challenge and challenged me to join her in participating in longfic_bingo I, of course, accepted! It's a challenge where there are no deadlines so it will be interesting to see how long it takes me to finish anything for it - deadlines normally being the thing that makes me finish a piece, but then that just makes it all the more of a challenge for me!

‘LongficCollapse )

Smallfandombang Round Two Fic: Eureka: Spin A Yarn Part Two
Title: Spin A Yarn
Author: lazydazyfics
Artist: tarlanx
Fandom: Eureka
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Nathan
Rating/Category: PG13/Slash
Genre: Romance/Drama/Comedy
Word Count: 13,804
Warnings Over abundance of wool
Summary: Jack woke up on what he thought was going to be a normal day in Eureka with what he thought was just a woolly head. How wrong he was.

Link to art master post: Awesome Art This Way!

Spin A Yarn Part TwoCollapse )

Smallfandombang Round Two Fic: Eureka: Spin A Yarn Part One
Title: Spin A Yarn
Author: lazydazyfics
Artist: tarlanx
Fandom: Eureka
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Nathan
Rating/Category: PG13/Slash
Genre: Romance/Drama/Comedy
Word Count: 13,804
Warnings Over abundance of wool
Summary: Jack woke up on what he thought was going to be a normal day in Eureka with what he thought was just a woolly head. How wrong he was.

Link to art master post: Awesome Art This Way!

Spin A Yarn Part OneCollapse )


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